Thursday, September 02, 2010

The "Dead Baby" Comment

After some comments on that other post I realize I never included the "dead baby" part in my labor story on the blog because I wasn't sure how I felt about it at the time. But now that it's been almost a year I think my emotional scars (that sounds soooo pschyo-babble doesn't it?) are healing and I feel like I can share. I will not mention the doctors name on my blog but if you ask me in person I will be happy to tell you. I never made a formal or informal complaint about her after Olivia was born and it took everything I had to keep my follow-up appointment.

Anyway so if you recall Olivia was about a week "overdue" and my Dr. didn't like the pattern of heart decelerations she saw on my non-stress test so I was wheeled immediately over to the hospital, hooked up to machines for monitoring and told to prepare myself to have a c-section very shortly. After I was hooked up on the monitors at the hospital her heartbeat was acting fine...for HOURS. I think after 5 or so hours I asked if I could go home and My Doctor's exact comment was "You can...but you will have to sign a bunch of paperwork saying it was against my wishes and if you come back tomorrow with a dead baby inside of you, you will feel like the worst mother in the world." That exact phrase was said 2 or 3 more times throughout my labor.

She used scare tactics and guess what?

They worked.

And they're still working a year later.

Although she did cut me open and deliver my baby safely into this world, she did a world of damage to my spirit that I know I will take with me into my next pregnancy (if there is one) and my labor and delivery choices. I wish I'd fired her when I had the chance.

If you are a doctor, nurse, or a person in the medical field please understand the lasting effects your "bedside manner" has on people. Choose your words carefully and treat your patients with respect and courtesy. I assume that is taught in med school but maybe not.


Anonymous said...

You definitely should have reported her. That's terrible. Mom aka Gma

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry to hear someone had the nerve to say those words to you. I know what would make me feel better if I were in your shoes, so I am going to pass on my advice. If that was me, I would calmly walk into her office and let her know how she affected you with this. Not only will you feel better having allowed yourself the ability to move on from her hurtful words, but you may have also changed her way of treating women in general. -April

devon lorraine ... said...


that doctor makes me want to smack something. namely, her.

i am so sorry that she took such a negative approach to her medical advising style! but i think if you ever have another pregnancy, you'll know so much more about yourself and how you want to bring that next life into the world - ahem, without a downtrodden spirit! but looking at the happy little olivia, it looks like she was oblivious to dr. dead-baby-mouth's comments!!

Allison said...

Wow, that is completely ridiculous. I am so sorry that she treated you that way. That makes me so angry for you! What a JERK!!! Arrrgghh. Make a complaint. Make some noise. No mother should have to hear that!!

Shawn and Becky said...

I think you should print this post out and mail it to her, to let her know how it made you feel. Birth is such a special experience that is different for everyone, but we should not be told our babies will be dead if we make a decision. What a terrible doctor! The same thing happened to a friend of mine . . . it's just not right. I hope you told your new doctor this so she/he knows that you expect no dead baby comments in the future.

carly said...

THAT IS SO ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE! I am so sorry! I think you need to report her. She doesn't need to be saying things like that to other people. AWFUL!

Miranda said...

Oh Honey! That's terrible!! Not something a mother facing a delivery option that's not so nice. Please, please don't let that horrible person have one thought in your head when/if it comes to the next beautiful baby you have. I wonder if you can still report that person. When I was preggo with Michael, before we knew he was 'Michael' I was 15 weeks, and visiting home, we went to the ER with pain and saw a perfect baby and no signs of have an ER doc, say 1st thing, no kidding, we need to discuss ending this...I said what? This convo? Sure and get me the head of the ER! It was so heart wrenching...
Please if anything say something, there are a lot of good ideas here. Mine would be more 'old school' but what ever way you choose, I think it will give you some closure.

lauren and brad said...

I still want to punch her in the face...a year later. And i f I ever have to meet her face to face I probably will. And say, "That's for Kate!" Grrrrr.

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