Tuesday, March 25, 2014

The Day Horses Almost Killed Us

Sometimes it really is a terrible shame that I have no pictures to go along with my tales. I will include a shoddy map though for your viewing pleasure.
The red dotted line shows our treacherous journey starting at my parent's house and the yellow dots are the haybales.
Liv and I like to walk around the pond behind my parents house. Occasionally we have gotten a bee in our bonnet and tried to cross the gully to get to the railroad tracks. My sister and I used to do it back in the good ole days, but traversing the big ditch with water in it has proven to be harder in my old age with a young child. Liv and I had our super brave pants on this time though and found an area with minimal thorns and hearty tree roots to cross. Once we made it to the tracks, I had to give a brief lecture on why it's not ok to EVER play on train tracks....then we walked down the train tracks.....because I didn't feel like crossing that gully again.

A little ways down the tracks it seemed there was an easy path into the horse pasture. That was an incorrect assumption, by the way, but after having crossed like 3 barbed wire fences and getting scratched up by thorns, I wasn't turning back, and those round hay bales were just calling my daughters name to slide down! So we trekked on and managed to find some nice swamp land to cross while in the distance 10 horse ears started to perk up. Horses. Friendly creatures right? Maybe when they are expecting your presence, but when you are trespassing on their land with no treats to give them maybe not. (We are now at the red "x" by the hay bales on the map)
basically what the horses looked like
Liv slid down one hay bale and then we looked to see 5 horses galloping to us. (I'm no expert, but it was not a trot nor a canter. It was definitely a gallop). I showed Liv how to gently pet their noses and then they cut the small talk and surrounded us demanding food which we did not have. They started nuzzling Liv's head and closing in on us...I'm pretty sure one even had a knife. Then my daughter screamed and the horses began to whuffle. I tried to explain why it was important to not scream, how we needed to remain calm because we didn't want the horses to get scared because then they might not be as nice. But they kept nuzzling her head and following THISCLOSE to our personal space. So she kept screaming. So I encouraged her to walk close to my side back toward the pond. The beastly gang not only followed, but galloped ahead of us, turned sideways, and BLOCKED THE PATH. I'm not even kidding. I'm pretty sure they started snapping their fingers and singing "When You're a jet, You're a jet all the way...." 
I tried to recall if I knew any worst-case-scenario-horse-info but I came up short. So we entered the stand off. And I was REALLY wishing I had my phone for a picture because I knew if we made it out alive this would be a blog worthy story. (We are now at the next red "x" on the map)

Liv and I huddled next to a tree while I tried to decide if we should fashion a machete and blaze a new trail through the trees or just have an old fashioned stare down with Mr. Ed and his amigos. I chose the stare down and a few minutes later they all galloped as fast as they could right by our faces. We won! But I felt like Simba when the stampede starts! When they were out of site I instructed Liv to walk fastly and try to avoid manure piles...which she absolutely didn't because she looked over her shoulder the entire time we walked waiting for those horses to come eat her hair again.
To top it off....when we got to the fence where we usually cross, the sewer manhole had overflowed and there was a nasty 10 foot diameter of human waste debris to cross. (We are now at the black hole on the map) But I wasn't risking it in the horse field any longer so we did the best we could and made it back safely to the pond shore and praised the Lord for having not been killed by those four legged monsters. Liv said she's never going back....but she also said that last time after a tick from our hike tried to eat her brain....we'll see....to be continued........
(To see less terrifying ways I like to bond with my daughter besides walks in the woods please check out the OKC Mom's Blog today!)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This is certainly one of your more entertaining blogs. I guess this means Olivia doesn't want to go horse back riding with Violet and Hazel when she comes out for a visit. Personally, I've never been a big horse fan so Olivia can just stay home with Grandma while all those other horse loving grandkids go riding.

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